Little boy and a big locomotive

I’ve had a weird day today. For some reason my mind has been drifting and I’ve been doing lot of thinking. I think it all started because I’m doing simple robotic stuff at the office: filing, checking statistics, etc. The seed might have been a brief conversation I had with my father last night. We talked about the one summer when our German Pointer played soccer with all us kids. This was about 20 years ago..

I’ve been thinking about the things that happened during the years and was amazed how much stuff I do remember from the time I was really young. Time around and before I was 6 years old. And it wasn’t surprise how little I remember from few years of my early 20’s. 😉

I have always said, and will still say, that I don’t regret a thing. Lot of things I should’ve done differently, lot of things I should’ve done and lot I shouldn’t have done. But without them I wouldn’t be here like I am now. After all I am confident and happy about myself. Many times I do miss that little kid in the photo, standing next to then oh so huge steam locomotive. Standing there and thinking this is the most awesome thing EVER! It was time when this kid didn’t even know what would happen, what kind of things he would do, stupid things and bad things. But on the other had he stands there not knowing how great things will be in future, how good it will feel when things seem to click in their places. And I’m glad to know that the kid in the photo would be proud of what he have become after all.

We all are hard on ourselves and it’s even harder to loosen up a bit on the expectations on oneself without feeling like giving up or letting too loose. And knowing when somethin gisn’t a total failure even if it feels like it is important. It took me years to realize that it doesn’t matter and things will always turn out just fine if you keep trying. No matter how hard it feels, things will be ok if you don’t give up. I’m not quite there yet, but I’m close enough to chill out a bit.

I know, this is boring blabbering, but still it’s what has been in my mind this afternoon. It may sound bit downward, and it maybe that, but it’s just how I am. 😉 Hell, I know I’m an asshole, but I know it and I can live with it. But I tell you one thing, I would never be friends with me if I was someone else! lol



About dobermann
Native Finn living in greater Helsinki area, currently in Vantaa. Still avoiding growing up, been somewhat succesful, thanks to my dogs. Passionate about music, hot rods & customs, dobermanns, motorcycles and everything I might foind interesting. I am just as boring in real life as I am in this blog. I do my best and have succeeded in it very well. Any other info, look from my posts or ask, thank you. D-Ma

One Response to Little boy and a big locomotive

  1. It isn’t important what others think … it’s important that you are your own friend. 🙂

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